Shut up, there is no distaste like this out there. Despite who you think you are….. Not with no mouth but relieving yourself on alcohol like a robot made for consumption like that. But with no stake in this laughing you feel you have when you think you laugh. Hard, nearly impossible, how unable it feels to be able to cry.
To call out what you can when you can from night to night. Not at all. Not even there. Not remotely, in the head you have your own precious head. The slipping notion nothing is coming on at all but something far, far, far, far out there. Listening why. Listening hey. Nothing at all being real. Nothing at all knowing why, and I am apart from it all. There is something if anything nothing going on anymore.
II
Remarkable envy your forgotten task. Because you deserve to, I thought you should know you ought to live. With nothing in the way of yourself, if possible. You really ought to live. It’s really, really great. At times, it’s terrible, but on the whole, you should know, it’s great. Like for sure you won’t get this right now, but later on maybe. There will be someone you care about hanging on to their own life by a thread. And you will not even know. But you will be there to tell them something that maybe makes them able to go on for like another day at least. And a day is everything, there is so much more. You can honestly see it too. It’s great, you should. Right now. Go and see it.
For like one of the many bullshit grievances I share with myself now, there can be no way. Right? It feels impossible, right? There is just no fixing this. At the end of the day. There is no way all this rushing turmoil barreling itself in on all sides, right, there’s no way it can all be ok in the end, right? There’s just no way. But look, I have saved you, my son. Again. In the wake of every scathing flame that came right up close to harm you. In the brutal, brutal, brutal nonexpression on your face. In the end, there is no end to what good you can do. Pulling sensations from the edge. Push it away. Wrap your arms around me.